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For much of my life, I believed that sports weren’t for me. It’s hard to say exactly when that belief crystallized, but by the time I grew up, it was firmly established. Looking back, I didn’t mean for it to be that way. As we all know, sports are a big part of life in Pittsburgh. And like most people, I want to be a part of it.

I left Pittsburgh after graduating high school in 2004 to explore other parts of the country. I attended college in California and then lived and worked in New York for almost 10 years. When the pandemic hit in 2020, all I wanted to do was be with my family who still lived in the Pittsburgh area.

A few years later, I’m still here and have started to put down roots. But most of my social contacts, friends and acquaintances live elsewhere. I’m a people person and knew that I needed these kinds of contacts to be happy as an adult in Pittsburgh.

How exactly do you make new friends as an adult—especially in a new environment? Anyone who has tried recently knows it’s not easy. I knew about Stonewall Sports, a nonprofit that runs recreational sports leagues for LGBTQ+ people and their allies. It seemed worth a try when I realized that my need to connect was starting to outweigh my long-held belief that I’m just “not a sports person.”

Find community

I joined a team in the summer volleyball league without knowing anyone on it. My incredibly kind captain, Tim, welcomed me with open arms and introduced me to the basics of the league. As I started to get to know the rest of the team, I was happy to see that everyone was there with similar intentions: to have fun, meet new people, and spend time in a friendly environment with other queer people.

These were my goals, too—not the hope of athletic excellence. But over the course of my first season in the summer of 2023, I discovered to my surprise that I actually enjoyed the sport itself. “This volleyball thing is pretty fun,” I found myself saying, especially on the clay courts on a beautiful summer day in Highland Park.

It’s a ritual that all teams meet up at a local queer bar, 5801, after games – a proud continuation of a long tradition of building queer community in bars. What’s perhaps obvious, but also easily forgotten, is that friendships and community are built through repetition, and Stonewall encourages that repetition.

By the end of that first season, I was officially a volleyball fan. It was so much fun to feel myself getting better at the sport. Our team even won the championship at the intermediate level. I finished the season with at least a dozen new friends and even more new acquaintances. I quickly signed up for another league, pickleball, and continued with volleyball until the 2024 season.

Queerness and Sports: a complicated relationship

It’s no coincidence that many queer people carry a negative impression of sports from their childhood. Youth sports leagues were the first place I felt insecure about my body. It was there that I first began to feel like an outsider, like there was something about me that was different from the other kids that I didn’t fully understand but felt deeply.

It was at high school sports practice that I first experienced explicit homophobia. I’m not sure how true this is today, but when I was in middle and high school in the late 1990s and early 2000s, homophobic jokes and slurs were incredibly common. I can still remember the first time this slur was directed at me. It was at an after-school sports practice.

In this environment, is it any wonder that many queer people come to the sad conclusion that it’s just not worth it, that we’re not welcome, and so why should we even try to be part of the sports culture?

Rediscover the joy of sport

Through my experience with Stonewall Sports, I have learned that it is actually worth it. That something positive is lost because others try to portray it negatively. That nothing about sport is inherently homophobic, transphobic or sexist. Many people in the past and some in the present have tried to portray it that way, but the mere fact of regaining what was once lost – the joy of playing – can be a powerful act in the fight against these phobias and -isms.

In the Stonewall Sports leagues, I have experienced camaraderie, excitement, athleticism, and joy that I was never able to enjoy when I first tried sports. Something as simple as an LGBTQ+ sports league has allowed me to connect with a small part of the sports culture that this city holds so dear, and in turn, has allowed me to feel more at home in my hometown. I no longer cling to feeling like an outsider, knowing that I have a place where I belong.

Todd Feiler is co-founder and CEO of Ringela mobile app to easily plan get-togethers with friends and family. He is also the co-founder of the Out in Tech Pittsburgh offshoot. You can follow him on Instagram @tgfeiler or contact him at [email protected]

Read more essays about the Pittsburgh experience:

Pittsburgh apologizes for the inconvenience

Family health concerns and a historic tragedy motivate me to support Pittsburgh, not leave

Pittsburgh’s dilapidated “Staircase of Death” is both an accusation and an inspiration

My American dream ended on an air mattress in a run-down apartment in Squirrel Hill

While contemplating environmental disaster at a bar in Colorado, my deep (and complicated) Pennsylvania roots emerged.