DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding “Time to Make a Move,” the reader whose boyfriend hasn’t proposed after five years, I like your advice.
It reminded me that 73 years ago, my friend came to New York City from St. Louis to spend a week with me and my family. When it was time to return, she said, “Where do we go from here?”
I was in the military and didn’t know where they would send me, maybe even farther away from her. We were tired of writing to each other and phone calls were too expensive at the time.
This left two options: forget each other or get married.
I never asked her to marry me and she never asked me. We just agreed that marriage was the right path.
She was the love of my life. We spent 71 years with children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She died last year. She was in a nursing home because of dementia, but I visited her every day for almost three years.
Towards the end she said she wanted to marry me. That was the best parting gift you could give your partner.
– Memories
LOVELY MEMORIES: What a perfect love story! Thank you for telling us how you and your partner have created a beautiful life together.
If you find joy in your later years despite dementia, it is a sign to others who may be battling this disease that joy can be found in the worst of places. God bless you!
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a recently divorced mother with three adult children.
My husband was physically and emotionally abusive throughout our marriage. He left me and my young children when they were toddlers, but we eventually reconciled. When the kids were in college, he sent me divorce papers, but then backed out after I begged him to reconsider.
A few years later, after two of our children had married, he filed for divorce again, moved out, and bought a new house without me.
The divorce was acrimonious and to this day, despite the judgment against him, he has not paid alimony and still owes me assets from the original agreement. Because of this, I have not been able to settle properly.
He now seems to be living a happy and contented life and has even remarried.
My two sons don’t want anything to do with him, but my daughter continues to communicate with him. She has even hosted him at her home.
I can’t believe she wants anything to do with him after all the horrible things he’s done.
She mentioned that he is coming to visit and bringing his new wife. I have tried to explain to her how hurtful it is that she is letting this new woman into her life, but she doesn’t seem to understand.
How can I convince her to change her mind or at least persuade her to tell her father that his new wife is not welcome?
– Devastated mother
DEAR DESTROYED MOM: Your relationship with your ex is separate from his relationship with his children. Stop trying to control how they treat him.
You should undergo therapy that supports your healing.
Your children will make their own way with their father. Don’t try to guilt them into taking your side. Do your best to live your life and become stronger for yourself and your family.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle designer and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people achieve their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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