After two days his mother is much better, she probably won’t need him by early next week. When I suggested that maybe he could come home early, he said he also wanted to see friends while he was there, but could come home if I was really unwell.
I told him that I didn’t want him to burden me, as I thought the long trip was dedicated to his mother’s recovery. It seems strange to me that he can relax while I take care of everything at home.
BUT he sacrificed his life in his country to be with me in mine, and rarely comes back.
So should I just grit my teeth and not tell him how hard this is for me? We generally communicate very well, but I’m worried that my loneliness and overwhelm are getting the better of me. I’m also upset that he didn’t immediately understand that it would be a big help for him to come back sooner.
Feeling weird: 1. Give him his two guilt-free weeks.
2. Prove to yourself that you can do it without failing (this will pay off hugely, but I’ll get to that later).
3. Realize that asking him to get you what you wanted “right now” is both a big ask of him and a huge reduction in the value of the house for him.
So, these benefits/yields: Of course, the person who treats themselves to a short break enjoys the benefits of rest, variety, less pressure and rediscovery of themselves. It is so important to build these things into life with young children, if possible.
But the one holding the family position benefits too. It can build your confidence as a parent. It can teach your children to take on responsibility once they’re old enough. What extra tasks, even small ones, can they take on to help you, help their dad, help their mom? It’s all about family approval and resourcefulness, such great things to teach them. Give them that experience even if your husband is in charge.
No one is guaranteed to have two parents. Things like that happen. Knowing that you can do this, whatever “this” means, is worth the effort you’re putting in right now. I swear.
Subject: Travel: Maybe this could also give him the freedom to spend some time with his mother, not to “help” her, but to simply enjoy her as an adult?
Anonymous: Of course I missed it, yes. So many big trips are saved for emergencies and finals, at the expense of the good times. This is a great opportunity for good times.
Opinions of other readers:
· Get helpers! Call on your troops (friends, family) to lighten your load and hire babysitters whenever possible. Show kids that sacrificing yourself isn’t always necessary when you have a community to support you. I say this as a volunteer at the Crisis Text Line (988) who hears from people who are suffering and have to cope with a go-it-alone mentality because they’ve internalized that asking for help is weak or futile.
· And the parents who have to look after the children for two weeks will have a new respect for people who are single parents 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
